Sunday, January 6, 2013


First off, this is in no way a condemnation of porn (or smut or erotica or “adult entertainment”) in general, or liking porn, or enjoying watching adult humans engaging in consensual sexual fun & games, or using any sort of media like that to satisfy yourself sexually, etcetera etcetera etcetera

But man, are porn gif sites disturbing VISIONS OF HELL or what?

Either Dante or Garcia Marquez (or both) presented this sublime glimpse into Satan’s Realm:
Two sinful lovers die and are placed in hell.
Their punishment? To kiss and embrace for eternity.
At first the couple scoffs: how can this be hell, to be intertwined with my beloved for infinity?

But after a day, they realize that the punishment meted out by Lucifer (and God, who is still, after all, The Fallen Angel's boss) is very appropriate for where they are. They spend the rest of Time hating each other.

That said, porn gifs (I don’t know what else to call them) can be found on most every salacious website, and some are quite erotically charged. For a while….

[If you are unfamiliar with what I am referring to, please visit this extremely NSFW site.
BTW, this is in no way a criticism of this particular site—it is what it is, and the owner does seem to do a lot of hard, heh, work on it.
I approve of all hobbies—because without them, we’d be doing much, much worse things…]

A humongoid throbber going in and out, jackhammer-style, of some siliconed babe’s pooper—over and over and over, pounding away, looped on itself, always repeating that precise three or four seconds—and I get so depressed.

It’s a movie I’m watching, I have empathy, and I start to feel sorry for that girl (and the guy who, although unseen except for his penis, must be in pain by now: how raw and scraped will his “unit” get? And he never reaches climax! Ouch, the frustration!).
These people are trapped.

How do gifs differ from the potential hellishness of photographs? Gifs are movies, and instill their own “time” and “space” on the images.
A still photo is manipulated in the mind—and often aided by the other photos, if you’re using a magazine—or have opened up a dozen jpegs on your laptop. (Admit it, that’s what you do…)

It saddens me to think that anyone would use these less-than-blipverts to satisfy their gonad’s desires.
Yeah, these are definitely “hot” moments that have been transformed into gifs—and yes, they are free—but they are so constricting! It is only that moment, over and over and over.

And boring. Honestly, how long can you watch Horny MILF and Well-Hung Pizza Boy repeat the same three seconds of a sex act over and over again? How often do you need/want/have to watch a post-adolescent college coed gag convulsively on a gigantic tool? A huge glob of ejaculate into the eyes of a heavily-mascara’ed party gal—into infinity?
It gets dull quickly, and makes me wish for even some tepid porno dialog.

Then there’s the awful thought that some people (men 99.99999% of the time, but I want to be fair) will get off in just five or six cycles (if that) of that gif.
Extrapolate this particular individual’s home- and love-life at your own discretion…

What comes to mind is some T.S. Eliot, from “The Hollow Men” (1925):
Paralyzed force, gesture without motion.”

Like Dante or Garcia Marquez’s damned lovers, the inhabitants of these gifs,
these unfortunate, but sexy and bodaciously-endowed men and woman
are in HELL!
Trapped by whatever sins to fornicate eternally—not for any pleasure, theirs or ours—but as a damned torture.

And if you watch too long, even if you are only there to laugh at these condemned sinners, you are trapped there as well. 

But remember, the sign over the door says, “Abandon All Hope Ye Who Enter Here,” not “All Who Visit Here”…

(Note: So, was I going to illustrate this piece with my usual random assortment of tattooed or latex-clad babes? Not on your life; I wasn’t going to undercut my own argument. But a funny thing named Freud showed up when I started using pix of buildings or factories, and it amused me, so it stays.)


  1. Now watch "After Porn Ends," streaming on Netflix, and get back to us.

  2. Sure, it's on my Nflix List; I'm somewhat curious. But I am not referring to the actors and actresses of these films that end up as gifs--but rather, what they represent--and what these endlessly-repeating representations mean to a viewer.
    BTW, my friends at Film International have reviewed After Porn:

    and here is a fascinating and, in my opinion, extremely insightful look into porn consumption: