Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Perhaps the Ancient Astronauts Are NOT Our Friends…

They always land in the desert. Maybe they like the heat...

You’ve heard about it, and probably scoffed—
In a (ahem) nut-shell,

Ancient Astronaut Theory is the idea that “Space Gods” came to Earth, worked some of their tech-so-advanced-it-looks-like-magic on some apes, jumpstarting their DNA towards the big-brained critters that we are today.

This is a Venusian from an episode of
"The Outer Limits."
Venus has sulfuric acid rain and is
hot enough on the surface to melt
lead. What our planet will be one day
The believers, like Erich von Däniken, the author of Chariots of the Gods? (don’t forget the question mark!), add on that these hyper-intelligent, galaxy-crossing beings used to return every now and then, and check up on us—helping the Egyptians build the pyramids, the Incas with their Nazca Lines landing strips and showing the Mayans how to invent TV.

I won’t go into that stuff too much, because many others have covered it better, but I am looking at this in a way I don’t think others have.
Please read on…

The Space Gods leaving their Homeworld.
Pay attention to the landscape and environment:
You will be seeing a lot more of it SOON.
Most people seem to be of the belief that these Space Gods are benevolent, and initially experimented with proto-humans to help us survive—it’s the basic theme of one of my favorite movies, 2001: A Space Odyssey, and of The Eternals, one of Jack Kirby’s weirder 1970s comics.

Space Gods arguing about the best way
"to serve man..."
But lately I’ve been thinking about how awful, stupid, greedy, fearful and destructive humans are. Remember what Agent Smith said in The Matrix? Humans are like “a virus.”

He says,
“It came to me when I tried to classify your species and I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You're a plague…”

Why send an invasion force when the locals will do it for you?
I tend to agree. Sure, we can be like angels, but dddddddddd-AMN! Lately humankind is as rotten as rotten can be. Meanwhile most folks tend to have "an essentially juvenile vision of the world," with useless boy-men navelgazing endlessly while ice caps melt and doom is on the horizon.
It’s time like this where people turn to religion—even Space God worship—to help them.
In the 1970s, a big part of the UFO craze was that people were hoping the aliens would save us, like a squadron of interstellar Jesuses.

Hideous beast out of H.P. Lovecraft's nightmares, or
Space God? There's no difference.
So I was thinking: Maybe the Space Gods did show up 100,000 to 1 million years ago, and maybe they did tweak some chimp’s cellular structure so that it would “evolve.”

And maybe it was supposed to evolve into something evil and rotten.

Look how mankind has systematically destroyed the Earth.
Even if we turned off every machine right now, and didn’t send another microgram of pollution into the atmosphere—it’s too late.
The tipping point has been passed, and the planet will continue mutating until it fixes itself, like a junkie detoxing.
And that would be if we stopped killing every living thing and crapping all over nature. But that sort of thing isn’t stopping anytime soon, and lord knows it’ll get worse.

It's the Space Gods' planet, we're just
renters. If we're lucky, some might mutate
enough to survive. Time to rename the planet
So what if that is what these so-called Space Gods want?
They mutated some apes, so those monkeys’ descendents would terraform the planet to the Aliens’ exact specifications.
Maybe these aliens need an environment that we would consider polluted and toxic?
The global warming, bad air, poison gases, dead oceans full of plastic, runaway weather systems and nuclear waste are a paradise to them.

Thus, maybe the Space Gods are on the way back—because we’ve finally made the place comfortable to them.
Spielberg wasn't smart enough
to go into it, but maybe his interstellar
"terrorists" were also the creators of
homo sapiens...
They’re like Lovecraftian locust (or the interdimensional nasties from Spielberg’s 2005 War of the Worlds remake), travelling from star system to star system using things up and moving along—or else they’re like virus/humans, just spreading and spreading, but smart enough and with enough time to make things just the way they want them.

If they are “out there” (if not in a parallel dimension; that is, right next door!), don’t even bother trying to understand their thought processes. Pray they eat you first…

If/when they arrive, they probably won’t even notice as they crush us underfoot.

The Space Gods' Homeworld--or else the Earth in about 20 years, there's no difference...


  1. That's actually a rather intriguing idea. I don't normally buy into the whole "ancient aliens" theory (although it doesn't stop me from being fascinated by it) but the idea that these beings intended that we would mess up our planet for their gain is a pretty sick and twisted way of looking at it.

  2. Thanks! (It's a sick and twisted look at a sick and twisted world...)